The Washington State Liquor Control Board, which runs just about all the liquor stores in WA state (and there aren’t many!), has decided this is the year to make it quicker AND easier to get drunk!
Beginning today, four Western Washington shopping malls will feature little mini-liquor stores for shoppers’ convenience — including Pacific Place mall, which just happens to be located next to Nordstrom and only 2 blocks 
from Macy’s. Both stores have elaborate Santa-visiting traditions.
Walk by Nordstrom on a random Tuesday afternoon, and you’ll see kids dressed up for their Santa photo wearing clothes that probably cost my annual salary. The kiddoes line up for hours while their latte-sipping mamas share gossip with one another and people watch. Let me tell you, the moneyed people you’ll see when Santa is out in Seattle. My, my. Anyway. Now mama can put some Bailey’s in that coffee.
Which got me to thinking. Ever heard of the Santaland Diaries? It’s an essay written by this really sarcastic guy named David Sedaris (yup, Amy’s brother) who once took a job as a Macy’s elf. Ho ho ho! The essay was first made public by NPR in 1992, and has since been included in Sedaris’ holiday short story collection, Holidays on Ice. And it’s wildly funny.
Are you thinking what I’m thinking? That’s right – not only is it easier for weary shoppers to pick up a little midday holiday nip, but now Santa and his elves can too. I mean, we’ve all smelled drunken Santa breath right after lunch, haven’t we? Now Santa doesn’t even have to lug around that heavy bottle in his oversized pants. No sirree. And, if he really wants, he can take a few swigs right before his mid-morning shift even starts.
Where’s Sedaris? Maybe he wants to write a sequel — this time from Seattle.
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